So, for once, a project that is not for my wife. This one’s for me. Purely selfish. Deeply meaty.
Jerky and biltong are outrageously expensive, and let’s be honest kind of rubbish here in America. Back home, I used to stop at this South African roadside farm stand on the way to Tauranga. Mountains of dried meat shoved into paper bags like it was contraband. After consuming several questionable kilograms of the stuff, I developed a very real, very permanent love for South African biltong. So naturally, despite my wife not being remotely sold on the idea of “meat hanging in a box in our house for several days,” I’ve started anyway. A project for me.
Mistakes Were Made
Step one for any project is always the same reign in my ambitions, don’t overthink it, don’t overbuild it, don’t disappear down a design rabbit hole…yeah so anyway. Here’s the plan:
- Big box
- Overly complex design
- Several stupid ideas
- A reckless amount of trust in ChatGPT
What could possibly go wrong?
The Box Begins
I’ve just cut the opening for the door, and it’s officially reached the stage where it’s no longer “some timber leaning against a wall” and is now technically a thing. The current vision:
- A large drying box
- Four hanging rails for meat (this feels like the most important feature)
- A built-in 120mm USB-powered fan
- A standard light bulb as the heat source
Finding the light bulb was, surprisingly, the hardest part. Everything is LED now. Energy efficient. Sensible. Responsible. I, however, needed an incandescent bulb. Low heat. Old school. Slightly illegal vibes.
Airflow, Ambition, and Reality
I wanted to get clever with airflow.
The plan was to drill the intake holes at a 45° angle so the air would naturally circulate in the same direction as the fan at the top. Smooth. Efficient. Very “I know what I’m doing.”
Then I tried to actually drill at a 45° angle.
Turns out, the limiting factor here is not design theory—it’s my ability to repeatedly drill neat angled holes without turning the whole thing into modern art.
I wasn’t happy with the results. Not because the idea was bad, but because the execution was… aspirational. Still learning. Still cutting. Still committed to drying meat in a box.
More soon—assuming the house doesn’t start smelling like a suspicious roadside farm stand.